Este cuento fue escrito por Anna Pacheco para cuentocolectivo.com. Estas fueron sus palabras al escribirnos a comiteeditorial@cuentocolectivo.com: “Me gustaría recibir consejos de redacción por parte del Comité, o usuarios, o cualquier persona a la que esto le pueda mínimamente interesar. Tampoco sé bien bien si este formato se puede considerar cuento. ¡Gracias de todos modos! ¡Y enhorabuena mil veces por la iniciativa!”. Pondremos este cuento en la categoría de “cuentos finales”, sin embargo, si la autora encuentra útiles los comentarios, podríamos editar la historia eventualmente.
Barcelona está llena de zombies que madrugan, porque no les queda otro remedio que ir a trabajar. Mientras otros, otro tipo de zombies-guiris, pasean semidesnudos, con los pies en chanclas, tropezándose en Las Ramblas como si eso fuera normal. Esa misma clase de zombies comen paellas de cincuenta euros y orinan en las calles de Portal de l’Angel, que yo los he visto, y también van a museos. Luego hay otra clase de zombies de verano que empezaron aparearse a mediados de junio y no piensan separarse hasta el fin del verano.
Se quedaron solos en la ciudad y, en realidad, lo que buscan es, era, compañía. Pocas veces se dan la mano, pero escuchan Pink Floyd hasta las tantas (ahora que está disponible en Spotify). Hay matrimonios zombies que gastan sus vacaciones jugando al Candy Crush. Hay zombies que van al Mercado y, los hay, que se refugian del sol en cines de verano y en salas de teatro. Hay zombies que comen patatas bravas y luego se les repiten: es una imagen horrible, no os la recomiendo.
Hay zombies yendo a conciertos con otros zombies para demostrar que el verano no es tan fatalista como pintaban algunos y que Barcelona, en agosto, también puede ser maravillosa. Hay zombies con mapas, hay zombies en el exilio que veranean en Islandia o Tailandia y cuelgan sus fotos en Instagram. Hay zombies muy, muy contentos. No os lo creeríais. Hay familias zombies alemanas, con niños rubios y ojos cansados de haber pasado el día entero en la playa, y cenan en terrazas de pueblos de costa mirando al mar, en Cadaqués, en Sitges, o en cualquier lugar de la Costa Brava, en realidad.
Mientras los padres toman vino, los niños juegan. Están de vacaciones. Hay zombies autóctonos a bordo de unicornios motorizados recorriendo avenidas. Llevan ropa muy fresca y aprovechan eso de que “conducir en agosto en esta ciudad es un lujazo y que bla bla bla”. Tonterías. Hay zombies desajustados, como yo, que se levantan inexplicablemente temprano y acaban viendo, los domingos, la misa de La 2. Hay zombies abandonando a sus zombies de toda la vida y ya no van nunca más de la mano. Estos alegan temperaturas asfixiantes, la distancia, el “no soy para ti” o cualquier otra excusa totalmente inaceptable.
Hay zombies groupies que dan un poco de rabia (son espejimos). Hay niños zombies cazando pulpos en las playas de la Costa Brava con madera de auténticos héroes. Hay zombies desperdigados en las Islas Baleares como cada año. Y, también como cada año, hay zombies que están más solos que la una. Hay zombies, decenas de miles, en esa cúspide rara de los buses turísticos dando un poco de miedo armados con sus Nikons y sus Canons cual material de artillería. Hay zombies haciendo snorkeling y trekking y pidiéndose Coconut Cream batidos.
Hay zombies casándose, muriéndose y teniendo hijos. No en ese orden. Hay zombies más guapos que otros zombies. Hay zombies en festivales, drogándose. A esos los llaman Zombies Zombies. Hay zombies escuchando Manel y Pablo Alborán. Hay zombies acampados en tiendas Quechua del infierno pasando calor (pero a mucha honra), porque a cada rato están dándose besos. Hay zombies en playas desiertas, otros en playas bulliciosas y otros intentando huir -sin éxito- del gentío. Hay zombies hablando inglés con turistas borrachas a las que tocan el pelo. Hay zombies reencontrados después de tres años escribiéndose postales. Hay zombies en Edimburgo, en Berlín y en Cuenca. Pero yo soy la más zombie.
49 responses
Hola Anna,
Antes que nada gracias por el aporte en cuentocolectivo.com. A mí me gustó la historia. Me pareció bastante graciosa la descripción y los apuntes que haces. Tal vez trataría de usar menos la palabra “zombie”. Es decir, en un punto la repetición de la palabra puede llegar a ser chistosa, pero creo que se excede y termina quitando ritmo.
Por otra parte, me parece que le agrega valor al texto que hayas incluido dichos propios de tu región (que ni te darás cuenta que están) y que hayas plasmado la cultura de la misma en detalles. “¡Que yo los he visto!” o “que comen patatas bravas”. En fin… me divertí leyéndote. Son solo opiniones y sugerencias. Saludos.
Jairo Echeverri García
http://www.cuentocolectivo.com
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JAJAJJAJA… me he reído. “Hay zombies que salen a drogarse. A esos les llamo Zombies, Zombies”. Mejor dicho, Zombies².
¡SOMOS TODOS UNOS MUERTOS VIVIENTES!
Yo soy del los zombies del Candy Crush… lo confieso.
Tiene un humor ácido bien logrado. Me parece.
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